From my first to my final draft of my paper, I made many global changes. These not only improved my paper, but they made it easier to read. First, I made a change in my introduction paragraph. I changed a confusing sentence from: “I think this is important, and I agree with this idea. People who radiate inner joy help bring out the joy of the people around them” and turned it into: “I agree with the idea that people who radiate inner joy help bring out the joy of the people around them.” This made my essay flow better and helped get across my connection to what makes you happy. Next, I changed the wording of another sentence so that it was easier for the reader to understand. The sentence: “This light that the people he is referring to radiates onto other people days and makes other people happy” became: “The light that these people radiate improves others days and make them happier.” This new sentence was less chopping and more direct as to what I was trying to say. Lastly, the global change consisted of me adding a quote. In my first draft I referenced a quote Sanderson used by Leo Tolstoy. At first I decided not to add it because it was very long, but then I decided it will add to my essay. By adding it, I think it strengthened my essay.
