Through my peer editing I think I made good comments to help my classmate progress in her writing. On the first page I made an evidence based comment where I suggested that she mention the increase in attention disorders. This is something that Richtel mentioned in his article. I think it will support the argument she is trying to make as well as strengthen her paper. As an organizational comment I suggested that she combine some ideas to not only strengthen what she is saying, but also make it more concise. Some sentences were repetitive and I suggested combining them to help to make them make more sense. Another comment I made that I think will greatly improve the essay was an idea comment. I agreed with a quote she included about parents also using their phones as the dinner table. I made a connection to what she was saying as well as informing her this was a strong part of her paper. I think if she continues with that idea it will strengthen her essay.
Link to comments and paper:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s9sEYUdQf4n_sMEIqpLpBYYv0eMJZ9G-6o6MtoHkR3s/edit
